Becoming A Man

People often ask me what it takes to live your dreams. The first and most important thing is this:

#1   You have to cut all dreams stealers out of your life… Period!

Along the path towards your success you will change in many ways. You will outgrow those around you who don’t share or understand or even feel threatened by you achieving your dreams. As you achieve your dreams it shines a light on the fact that they are not living their dreams. They will be like crabs in a bucket.

I recently had an opportunity to go “fishing” for crabs. It was one of the most profound moments of my life. You see, when you catch the crabs you place them in a bucket. That represents your present circle of friends and family. At first you think, oh no, the bucket is starting to fill up and the crabs are going to get out. After all, they can walk sideways. I can’t do that very well. Lol. So you know they will figure out how to climb on top of each other and just climb out of the bucket. But that’s not what happens. What happens is the crabs don’t work together. The crabs do not cheer on their friends, they do not self sacrifice for anything. In fact, just as one crab gets near the top of the bucket, gets close to its dreams of escaping, the other crabs will pull in back down to face the certain unbearable death. You can almost hear them saying, “If I can’t make it then nobody will.”

This is why you must feel comfortable letting go of people, friends and family alike as you go after your dreams. I have been asked who I had to let go of… Almost everyone. When I was redefining myself I told my birth family continuously over a 2 year period who I was growing up is not who I am today, or who I am going to be. You shall treat me with the proper respect that is due me or I have no use for you in my life. They didn’t respond very well to that. They desperately wanted to keep me in the same scapegoat roll that they had me in since childhood.

They didn’t have to agree with my beliefs. I wasn’t trying to convert them into some cult of success minded automatons. Although that’s not a bad plan. Lol. All I was saying is just support my self improvement actions and beliefs because they are my steps for bettering myself. You and I don’t have to agree on everything. We can agree to disagree. But if we support each others right to that which we hold dear then we have a point from which to have intelligent discourse. You don’t tear someone down because they are achieving something different or strive for more than you do. Those are the actions and sentiments of a jealous person. Jealousy of someone else’s success pushes away your own success. If you are happy and build up and encourage others into greater success then your energy resonates with success and all your actions become successful.

When I first divorced my birth family and for several years after I was filled with thoughts of guilt and doubt. But, then I would remember all the years growing up where they were fine as long as I stayed in the little box which they felt comfortable with. My name is not Harry Potter and I will not live under the stairs!! For me to live my purpose and to live my dreams I had to remove myself from that sad dysfunctional family. I refuse to ever live as someone else’s scapegoat ever again. If people are tearing you down then they DON’T love you… Period!!! There has to come a time when you stop allowing people to abuse you. My time came six years ago and I have been happy and free ever since. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Aaaaahhhh!

As you go after your dreams, NEVER, EVER, EVER allow the crabs to pull you back in the bucket. You have to set yourself FREE from the crabs. You have enough personal childhood stories to rewrite you don’t need any more abuse to survive. As a child we have very few rights, but as an adult we can choose to end the abuse at anytime. You can choose to surround yourself with only friends and family who encourage you and ask how they can help you live your dreams. And remember, as Les Brown says, “Sure it may be lonely at the top but the view is just fine.” You will find more like minded people who will support your success as you find your own voice and claim that you deserve it and go after it with a passion.  Family should mean “LOVE” it shouldn’t mean abuse. You can choose a new family of friends who love and support you. Friends who only talk to you with love and kindness. This is YOUR choice!

Recently, purely by chance, I happened to run across my old Pastor from the church our family went to in San Diego when I was around 9 or 10. When he asked about my family I didn’t say what I usually tell most people, “They all died a couple years back.” Instead, I shared with him the story of why I let them go in the first place… I told him it was time for me to stop being emotionally abused. After he heard the story, in his pastoral manner he simply said, “So you became a man.”

Thank you Pastor Lou  – Yes, I did become a man!




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